


Too much slime? No such thing!

by scratches



Series: James "Bucky" Barnes is a Punk Rocker [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Alright Fest, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Concerts, F/M, Guilty Pleasures, Hydra (Marvel), Punk Rock, Slime, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7572136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scratches/pseuds/scratches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy Lewis didn't think she would meet her soulmate at Alright Fest 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too much slime? No such thing!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why I wrote this. It is complete crackfic. These bands are real, except Pontius Pilet and The Nailers, they broke up after getting kicked out of their catholic school in 2005.
> 
> Too much slime :  
> https://youtu.be/pSATsffo55Y
> 
> Lumpy and the Dumpers set at Alright Fest:   
> https://youtu.be/TdTxIiNAUYQ
> 
> Kid getting hit by fireworks:  
> https://youtu.be/Py943pLs6mU

Darcy held onto the leather collar of the man next to her with one hand and his shoulder with the other before singing in his face, “ **Too much slime? NO SUCH THING!!** ” 

She turned and looked back at the band before she could see the shocked look on his face. Her body moved and jumped with the crowd before someone sprayed green slime and purple silly string in her direction. Without missing a beat, she wiped the slime that dripped down her glasses-less face to stop it from running into her eyes.

Lyrics were shouted with the band and close to her someone lit off firecrackers. Darcy watched them crack and pop down the back of a young, black haired guy. More slime was poured over her before she slipped and ended up on the floor with a group of clothing less audience members. A steady arm grabbed her under her left arm pit and hauled her up and pulled her through the crowd and towards the wall. 

She was too busy shouting the lyrics with the band to notice that she was pinned to the wall by the man in the leather jacket. Darcy wasn't complaining. She had quite a few Phrosties and was feeling them. 

Darcy definitely was having the quintessential Alright Fest experience, even though she would never admit it. 

Catching his eye and the serious look on his face, she quieted and watched him. She might have been hammered, but she was also aware that being connected to Thor and the newly released HYDRA and SHIELD files made her a target. She hoped this guy wasn't HYDRA. That would be a shit way to end Alright Fest.

So, in her inebriated state, she decided that she would fight him off. Darcy usually wasn't a fighter, but those Phrosties, they packed one hell of a fucking punch. Just like her fist did when she reached back and clocked him upside the head, taking him by surprise. 

He was so surprised that he dropped his right arm from the wall next to her and held the side of his head. She leaned back away from him before spitting in his face. Darcy knew she had no chance against this guy if he was here to kidnap her and torture her ala HYDRA style. 

He blinked owlishly at her before reaching up and wiping the spit from his eye. At the same time, Darcy reached to her chest, gathered some of the slime and flicked it up into his bent down face. Half of it slid from his forehead and dripped down his nose, the other half landed in his mouth. 

The man turned his head before placing his arm back on the wall before spitting the slime onto the floor. His hands moved to her shoulders and he leaned close to her ear, “ **Think you can put off fighting long enough….** ” more fireworks, or what she hoped were fireworks, went off in the hall before he continued, “ **to get out of here and some place safe.** ” Her words fell from his lips.

“Nooooooo!” Darcy cried before tipping her head back. “No!”

“No?” He asked her.

“Goddamn HYDRA, ain't it?” She held onto his biceps as he nodded. “Fuck man, they ruin _everything_.” 

“You need to get somewhere safe.” He said again.

“I doubt the youth hostel I’m staying in is going to be safe enough.” She felt him laugh lowly. “Yeah, bucko. Fuck. Fuck.” Darcy dragged out the word. “Why can’t I have one show where goons don't try to kill me, man. I don't even know _anything._ ”

“You know enough.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out a set of keys. “I’m dropping you off at Stark Tower.” 

“How do I know I can trust you?” Her eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t kill Captain America last month in D.C.” She had seen the grainy news footage and the clearer security footage she had hacked into. The man pulled the glove off of his left hand and flashed the metal in front of her. “Ain’t a saint, but can’t have my soul mate die on me now, doll.”

“Dude, HYDRA couldn’t have waited until the end of The Dumpers’ set to try to kill me?”

“They can't get a good shot at you with the slime orgy going on.” Their blue eyes met and she smirked. “Had to pull you out before the show ended. There’s a twenty minute gap between setup and tear down, more than enough time to kill you.”

“I shouldn’t have had the fourth Phrostie,” Darcy muttered before leaning her head back. “Fuck it. Stark Tower here I come. I don’t want to fucking die on my soul mate either.”

“Promise I’m on the level.” He backed up before pulling his leather jacket off and wrapping her in it. “It has a layer of that thin Kevlar….”

“What about you..fuck you stink man. Shit. When was the last time you showered?” Darcy couldn't hold it in when the pungent smell of his body odor hit her.

“I don’t smell half as bad as some of these people…..or you.” He was off topic following her conversation. 

“Still fucking reek, man.” Darcy scoffed before letting him hold her closer to his body and pushing her through the bouncing crowd and out through a side door and blending in with the punks smoking in the alley.

“Well, don’t you have a mouth on you,” he muttered under his breath.

“You haven't seen anything yet,” Drunk Darcy replied. She heard him choke before he moved her quickly onto the street to a perfectly parked busted red Honda civic. 

“If you're going to puke up those blue Phrosties, do it now, or do it on Stark.” They looked at each other, glaring, until they opened the doors and sat in the car.

“How long until we get to Stark Tower?” Darcy asked before slumping into the seat. 

“Have to loose the tail..so maybe forty minutes.”

“Fuck.” 

Darcy closed her eyes and felt the car shift into reverse, “Just wake me up when we get there. This is the worst extraction ever, man.” 

She was sticky when she felt his arm shaking her awake. “You’re here.”

Darcy looked out the window and up the building. Yup, that was Stark Tower. “I’m literally covered in slime, drunk, and might puke all over the security desk.”

“I sent a file to Natalia and she forwarded it to Stark. He knows to expect you.”

“WHY the fuck do I trust you, man?” Darcy glanced at him side eyed.

“I don’t know. Soul mates aside, you definitely should not trust me.” His hands tapped on the wheel. 

Darcy reached the handle and popped the poorly fitted door open, “Well, soulmate, maybe we will meet again, or something. “

“Yeah, or something.” Darcy saw a ghost of a smile grace his lips.

She turned and faced him, leaning her arms against the roof of the car, “Go blow some mother fuckers up dude. Like, I'm drunk, but I know HYDRA fucking brainwashed you and shit. Blow them the fuck up. One head, two heads, who cares, just fuck em the fuck up, dude. The good Captain doesn't want to admit it to the world at large, but he wants all those mother fuckers dead.”

“I don’t think Steve would appreciate that language.”

“Steve isn't my soulmate. James mother fuckin Buchanan Barnes is.” She reached in and wiped at the built up slime on his face, “He doesn't seem to mind all that much.”

“Bye, Darcy.”

“Yeah fuck you too man.” She slammed the door and stepped back as he revved the.shitty engine. Darcy held up her middle finger and watched him hold up his own as he drove off.

 

\---

 

Stark was holding her hand.. actually holding was a bit of a stretch. He was pulling her along through the crowd at his party towards the bar. “I know you only drink Phrosties when you're in New York City. I know. I know.” 

Her heels clicked on the tile as they weaved between people, Tony waving people off with his free hand. “Tony, I don't want to drink anything.” She groaned. Her and Jane had been tequila binging the last few nights to unstick their brains. Jane was stuck on an equation. Darcy was stuck on a speech she was writing for the five year anniversary of the (amended) Sokovia Accords. 

“I'm not even trying to get you to drink. Scott told me how you vomited all over his boots on the conservatory deck. We don’t need a repeat.” Her head hurt and she didn't want to deal with Tony. He was too much to handle on any given day, but now he had his mind set to something and she just wasn’t in the mood.

“Fuck off, Tony.” She said loudly before they came to the bar and stood behind two tall men. 

“Yeah, fuck you too.” He gestured to the men turning around. “Let me introdu…..”

“Fucking Christ.” Darcy’s eye were glued to those of the dark haired man. “Fuck you dude.” Her eyes narrowed as she pointed her finger at him. “Do you know he,” she gestured to Tony, “uses me in his company’s safety meetings about drinking.”

“Language?” The man next to her soul mate said tentatively.

“Told you, Steve wouldn’t stand for you saying Fuck, doll.” He held a glass of something clear with two lime wedges in it.

“How…?” Tony asked Steve while motioning between Darcy and James.

“Tony, meet my soulmate.”

“Steve, meet my soulmate.”

“You're screwed,” Clint interjected from behind the bar. 

Natasha stood next to him and shook a silver shaker. “So this is -Too Much Slime? NO SUCH thing-?” 

James said something in Russian. Natasha replied quickly before pouring the liquid into a frosted martini glass. Darcy looked at the martini and felt sick to her stomach.

“I still can’t believe you made me leave in the middle of The Dumpers, man.” Darcy sighed and crossed her arms across her chest.

James took a sip from his rocks glass and looked her over. “Knowing why my words involved slime made a lot more sense after being there..and listening to their seven inch.” He smirked and tipped his glass towards Steve. “He threatened to snap it in half if I listened to it anymore.”

Darcy moved in closer to him.

Tony groaned and Steve coughed. They couldn’t believe this happened

“So,” she laid her hand on his bicep.

Natasha was watching them. She muttered something quietly in Russian that had James smirking. 

“You’re telling me you enjoyed them?” She wiggled her eyebrows and smirked.

“They aren’t Pontius Pilet and The Nailers or Who Killed Spikey Jacket...or Cemetery.. “

“You take that back…..”

“There’s two of them, Stark.” Steve said over Darcy and Bucky arguing over the merits of different street punk bands. 

Tony hung his head. “I am so sorry.” 

Darcy turned away from James and said, “Yeah, doubt yall want to talk about sneaking out of your own party to go see Urochromes and Sadist play at the Non Factory in our finery sooo.. yeah. bye.” Darcy waved at the two of them before moving between James and Steve. 

“Doll, You’re not being very nice to them.”

“I have no Phrosties, I am hungover as fuck, and as much as I love this weird lounge music, I’d rather be at a show not even Stark could find the coordinates to.”

Tony scoffed. “Doubtful.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow and said, “Ask a punk, Tony.”

Steve said, “Language?”

She pointed over her shoulder, “See?”

Bucky leaned in close to her, ignored their surroundings, and asked, “So, what is this about Urochromes playing tonight?”


End file.
